Movies opening this week

One Missed Call (Shannyn Sossamon, Edward Burns, Ana Claudia Talancon, dir. Eric Valette)

I don't even think the original Japanese version of this film is very well-respected, despite being directed by Takashi Miike, and that's about the only hope there could be for something decent in an American remake. This is sloppy, cheapo filmmaking, with hilarious bad dialogue that features characters constantly telling each other who and what things are (Burns' character walks around saying "I'm a cop" to anyone who will listen, but that doesn't make Burns any more believable as a detective). Some of the most blatantly contrived jump moments in any horror movie, a completely incoherent story with a nonsensical ending and not even the buckets of gore that an R rating could provide (it's PG-13). It is sort of amusingly awful at times, but with so many good movies in theaters right now, I can't imagine why anyone would bother to waste their time. Wide release

Revolver (Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore, Andre Benjamin, dir. Guy Ritchie)

My review in Las Vegas Weekly
Along with a shitty mainstream horror movie, we get a shitty British import with high-minded artistic pretensions. So it's shit at both ends of the spectrum this week, really. It's sort of amazing this movie made it to the U.S. at all, given how long ago it was released in Britain and how savage the reviews have been. Maybe that's the power of being married to a huge pop star (it's the same force that got Kevin Federline's album released). There might be a certain appealing craziness to this movie (as championed by Keith Uhlich and Matt Zoller Seitz), but I couldn't find it amid the bullshit aphorisms and obtuse plotting. Opened limited Dec. 7; in Las Vegas this week